He was waiting, looking kind of spooky and withdrawn...

Earlier this summer, when I felt overwhelmed, I looked forward to when work would end and all I would have to worry about were rehearsals and shows. That time has come and I find that I don't feel any less overwhelmed. There is time to do things during the day, but I always have to leave by 5pm, and when my day doesn't typically start until about noon, that's only five free hours. In theory this is enough time to do all sorts of things, but with a definite end time looming ahead it becomes difficult to feel free.

I prefer evening hangouts and conversations because schedules are always limited during the daylight, but you can extend yourself as far into the night as you want, and the only thing you lose is sleep. I appreciate the shared isolation of darkness, being the only ones up in a sleepy house, made all the sweeter when an afternoon of bustle winds down into a night of aimless musing. Calling someone up just for late-night rambling seems forced and inorganic, or like an intrusion on whoever already has a right to a shared night because of a shared afternoon.

Lately I've felt restless and morose, probably because I'm surrounded by polite acquaintances all the time and friends rarely. I spend my afternoons and evenings with the Shady Shakes cast, most of whom I've met before, but none of whom I am close with. I spend my days and nights in a house of people I barely talk to, save to say goodbye when I leave and hello to whoever's awake when I come home. I feel like I flounder hopelessly in most social situations and so don't have the means or motivation to turn any acquaintances into friends. The friends I do have seem remote due to distance or scheduling. I don't generally make phone calls because I have too little to say to make it worth anyone's time.

What human component am I lacking that makes it so difficult to be friendly? Most people have no problem spending an hour or two just catching up.

I am now looking forward to September 21st, which will be my first night off since last Monday.