Sometimes I spend the wee hours poring (I just checked, that's the correct spelling in this case) over old blogs. I'm amazed by most people's ability to speak candidly about real life happenings. Irrational worries about what will be made of this and that lead me to speak in riddles and generalities about mostly insignificance.
Why do I think I have anything to hide? And if I don't want people to understand what I mean, why am I intent on releasing these things into cyberspace?
I look for clues in everything. The intent is to discreetly put together a complete picture of whichever mysterious someone, but my hyper-scrutiny finds puzzle pieces that may not exist, and the final portrait is obscured by flourishes of my own design.
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People contradict themselves. They want to write their inner most desires and secrets on the internet because they want people to know how they are feeling, but at the same time don't. So many posts are vague and full of cryptic messages because people are really too scared to put the entire truth out there. Because the internet can seem like a big place, it's deceptive, and it can feel like you are typing your feelings into an abyss that no one will read. The contradiction is that we WANT people to read what we write, because that's why we wrote it in the first place. Everyone wants someone to know what's up, because maybe then somebody cares. That's why so many teenagers have blogs.
ReplyDeleteAnd adding your own flourishes is definitely not unique to you. I have an imaginative brain as well.
Your last little bit reminds me of a book quote you put in a Facebook note before. I don't know exactly where or what it was, but it was something like "the artist paints her not as she is, but how he sees her. Something something (sighs? impatient glances? pursed lips?), the artist thinks these things are for him."
ReplyDeleteI think everyone wants to see a bit of him or herself in imaginary puzzle pieces, especially if they allude to positive things.